(The following article is a guest post on behalf of James Redden and the thoughts and views expressed may not reflect those of Which4U or its employees.)
Have those flea-bitten meerkats really convinced you that everything is, “Simples”?
Imagine yourself laid on a warm, sun drenched beach. Laid on your left is the object of your desires. Stood on your right is an ATM. With every second that you stare at it, another bunch of £50 notes is vomited out into the money bag sat underneath it.
Dreams are bliss. For everything else there’s…. well, you get the idea. I’m not going to try and rip apart the credit card companies as they have a place. Instead we’re going to take a tongue-in-cheek look at some of the ways the big money lenders hook you and reel you in.
The Sexy Credit Card
You can dress it up in a posing pouch or stockings and suspenders but it’s still a credit card with an eye watering APR. That point doesn’t seem to have been lost on many advertising pro’s who continue to appeal to our sexual urges. How many adverts have you seen where sex is the driving force behind the credit card you own?
From bikini-clad beauties fondling your flexible friend to stunning yet sophisticated ladies stalked by an army of adoring males. The trick still works. Have you ever fallen for it?
Greedy Little Piggies
Greed is good, apparently. No amount of garnish and tasty side servings are going to slap your hunger in the face and the card companies know it. Want to jet off to an idyllic retreat? How about financing part of your new car using your card? So tempting, yet so destructive.
Greed is definitely good… for the lenders but not for you. Take the doctors advice and keep away from heart-stopping ‘credit cholesterol’.
Did A Ladyboy Sell You A Credit Card?
What’s the first thing that’s springs to mind when you hear a body builder talking in a high pitched voice? Steroid-pumped Olympic ladies shot-putting team, or identity theft? I tend to side with the first option but Citibank’s credit card commercial did an amazing job of preying on your privacy fears.
Beware butch women bearing false tidings (and other things)!
Neutered Dragons On The Rampage
When it comes to plugging a credit card, having a famous face doing the footwork is a powerful weapon. Cue some wooden acting from Peter Jones of Dragons’ Den fame for MoneySuperMarket.com. Were you rolling in the aisles at the site of his escapades? No, neither were we! Humour works, but in this case Peter, you score nil points!
Did you notice Peter’s house of cards quite literally falling apart at the end of this advert? Hmm. An omen, maybe?
Funking School Kids
Cute kids come up trumps every time. Mastercard produced a now famous advert featuring a group of kids getting down to the tunes of ‘We Want The Funk’ (minus the pimp mobile, Uzi’s and drugs)! Child actors in weepy Disney movies are one thing but using them to encourage debt… Everyone has their price, I suppose.
Can we get the phrase, “My finances are funked!” into the urban dictionary?
Flushed Away Like A Giant Log
Ever fancied jumping out of the bed and immersing yourself on a water flume powered orgy of credit card funded spending – whilst naked? If your kinks extend this far then you just became the number one target for Barclay card. Personally, I like to get dressed and take the bus into town but that might seem a little boring for some.
Maybe me it’s me but the water slide looks more like a slippery slope, and you know where that’s headed, right?
For Everything Else You Can Emigrate
You know how it goes: for everything else there’s Mastercard. You can’t afford to pay your rent or fill your car with fuel. You children are missing out on meals because you’re broke. Don’t panic. Mastercard will save the day. If only….
The harsh reality is that your worries are being trivialised. You’re more likely to be thinking along the lines of, “for everything else I can always do a bunk to Australia and leave my debts behind!”
My name is James and I wrote this post for Which4U.co.uk. I know some of the points I’ve highlighted might seem a bit cheeky but it’s just a bit of fun. When you’ve got some spare time, I really think you should come and visit my blog for some more money saving tips with a twist.