“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth…”
…And by the looks of it, it’s going to cost those who survive a hell of a lot!
One of the most feared monsters in movie history, from Night of the Living Dead to 28 Weeks Later, zombies are a horror favourite.
It’s time to learn how to save your money for the day of the dead, with your (not so) scary saver Daniel!
So we’re going to take a moment to talk about a very serious plight that threatens the way we live. Zombies. The undead horde of slow moving, flesh eating monsters that don’t stop, don’t get tired and don’t have a pallet that extends further than human flesh.
“But what does this have to do with finance” I hear you cry. Well, if you’ve got any hope of surviving the upcoming apocalypse, you’re going to need some money saved away to buy your survival as soon as the news reports start streaming in.
Supplies – Eating Is A Priority!
First things first, you need to be able to eat!
So how much food do you need to store away? Well, I would say having a store of 2-3 weeks is probably the best amount to have since any more than that would be a large, space-consuming, burden for anyone to look after.
Now, the average calorie intake for an active male is around 2850 per day. Let’s say you manage to raid the local store and only manage to find baked beans. How many tins would you need to buy to fill your store up completely? Well, that’s close to 200 tins of beans, totaling an average price of £109 (based on the average cost of Heinz baked beans).
Now obviously, you’re going to need some fruit, and the fresh stuff will go off quickly, so let’s say you have a tin a day of tinned fruit, that’s another £27.30!
After this, you’ll be down to scavenging what you can find or eating small animals you come across whilst on the run from the undead.
Do you want a drink to go with that?
Now we don’t want you getting dehydrated while you’re running for your life.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that you try to drink around 4 litres of water per day, should the dead walk the Earth.
Now if you’ve managed to set up camp in a place with a well, you’re sorted and as long as you keep it free of contagion you can keep drinking from that until the cows come home. However, if you’re not that lucky you have a couple of options to choose from:
Option a) you fill the bathtub and sinks with as much water as you can before the water stops working – the dead aren’t going to run the water company for you! – and may go stagnant unless treated properly. This again is free (or at least no more than you would be paying anyway).
Or option b) invest in bottled water that will last longer and can be taken with you, should you need to evacuate the premises in a hurry. This is probably the better option of the two, but will cost you. To get your 4 litres a day, for the 3 weeks that you have food supplies for, you would need to buy 84 litres of water!
The easiest way to do this is to buy the kind of bottles you see attached to water coolers in the office as these can be bought in bulk and will last a lot longer than smaller bottles.
As an example, looking at office suppliers, you can buy 6 x 15ltr bottles (which covers more than the 84 litres that is recommended) for £56.88, which is a fraction of the price of buying the same amount of water in 125ml bottles from your local supermarket.
Attack is the Best Form of Defense
So you’ve stock-piled your rations for the next few weeks. Great. But there’s a noise at the door! It’s those pesky undead monsters trying to come to dinner.
Well, it’s a good thing you put some money into learning to defend yourself before all this happened.
Firearms can be very important when fighting the dead – remember to aim for the head – so your first port of call is a Firearm or Shotgun Licence. This will cost you £50 and means that you can get down to training!
For an advanced firearms training course; which will include training using firearms to hit moving targets in a range of stances over 3 days, you’ll be looking at paying around £900. Although this is a huge figure, it could save your life should the zombies try to make a meal out of your mind.
Once you know how to handle a firearm, it’s time to purchase one. This will set you back around $500 (approx £313) for a standard pistol with 1000 rounds coming in at a further $600 ( approx £377).
Now, not everyone can spend £900. So there are a few more options that may come in handy should the dead rise from their graves.
There are tools around your house that you could wield in order to “remove the head or destroy the brain”. This could be in the form of spades and pitchforks, disregarded bricks or even your ex’s record collection! But it’s best to make sure that you insure these before you start trying to dispatch your rotting visitors.
Total: £1640 + insurance
Keeping Yourself Healthy
But before you even think about picking up that cricket bat to wrap it around their head, you’re going to need to build up your muscles.
Cardio is an extremely important part of your life in the land of the dead. For evading, attacking and keeping yourself in the peak of fitness. It’s time to hit the gym! The average price of a gym membership is around £422 in the UK, so that’s another price to add to the list. One that could be essential to your survival.
Being bitten by a cannibal isn’t the only thing that you have to watch out for when defending your home, you also need to make sure that you can patch up any cuts that could get infected and turn you from dead-scared to walking dead!
A disaster kit – a 56 piece bag that includes all of the essentials for treating wounds and burns that you may sustain – will probably set you back around £160, but is designed to help treat large groups of injured people, so should keep you going for a long time.
“Es-cop-ehhh! Hey! That’s funny! It’s spelled just like the word escape!”
Okay, so a line from Finding Nemo is probably very weird in the middle of an article about zombies, but there’s a point behind it.
Do you hunker down in your house, board up the doors and windows and hope for this to all blow over? Or do you make a run for it to a less populated area?
Say you want to make a run for it, you’re going to need a car. Now I’m not going to add the price of a car to this because most people that can drive will have a vehicle on hand to make a quick getaway.
So if we take the UK’s most popular car – the Ford Fiesta (42 litre fuel capacity) – and factor in the price of petrol at the price it was recorded at on October 1st 2012 (138.4 pence/litre) then a full tank would set you back £58.13 which you can use to evade being captured by those nasty monsters.
This will help you to get – if you’re driving economically – 483 miles from the populated death-trap that was once the local neighbourhood. For more information on the cheapest way to travel, check out this article!
Well Done You’ve Survived!
Take a moment to thank your deities or whatever else you believe in that you’ve managed to keep yourself alive long enough to watch those undead creatures fall to pieces and finally be dead. Really dead. I promise they are this time.
But now you’ve got to clean up so you can start your life again. So you’ll need to – if anyone else is alive – hire a skip to clear the debris up. Now, the price of a skip is variable depending on whereabouts in the country you are and how much money is worth now that the population have been turned into walking corpses.
Taking Skip Hire UK’s price for a large skip, which will probably be necessary, you will probably end up paying around £170 for a 9.2 cubic meter size. Hopefully this will be enough to discard those weapons that kept you alive and the empty tins of food that are now cluttering your home.
Is It Really Worth Keeping Your Mind?
So now you know exactly what’s in-store for you, should the dead walk the earth like they have in so many films. With a grand total of £2647.31+ it’s not exactly a payment that we can all afford to just throw away in the hope that one day hell comes to Earth.
Or you could go with the free option. However, this does also mean that you’re going to end up walking with the dead as one of their legion.
Yeah. I thought so. Let’s think about finding a way to save this money. Your best bet is putting your money into an easy access savings account – should you need to get it out quickly while the banks aren’t run by lifeless clerks.
At Which4u.co.uk we list a wide range of accounts that could help you, should the world end in the near future.